The darkness surrounded me like the winter air, cold and relentless. I wasn’t sure where I was, but I knew something was wrong, very wrong. I opened my eyes again but still couldn’t see. Seconds felt like minutes and minutes like hours. Enduring pain does that to a person: time slows down.
Mercifully, I began to see a glimmer of light and I knew for sure I was alive. My reality, or what I knew of it, was about to come to a crashing end.
Eighteen months ago this is where I was, at the end of a long and twisted road that had abruptly come to a halt. I can say without question, that this has been the hardest time of my life.
What led to this I am not ready to say, but what I am ready to say is that I am a new woman and God rescued me from the depths. I have a new life in Christ and as the Bible says, “all things have become new.”
My hope as I write this is to begin the process of sharing with you all what this transformation means and eventually what led me to this new place. It is not a cry for sympathy, but rather a statement of hope, faith, and love. If one person reading this is helped to come out of a dark time in their life, then I will have been successful.
I’ve learned some hard lessons during this time. You all know me as the fiery face of conservatism, standing up to the liberal agenda. That will not change. At my core, I am still full of passion for justice and the pursuit of what is right for America. However, something has changed: my understanding of how to communicate that passion to those who need to hear it.
I was recently talking with a new friend of mine, Lance Burton, a former Naval Officer and FBI Agent and now CEO of the private military company Hawkstorm Global, and he shared with me a personal story about how all warriors tend to be direct, but that he had learned that there is a place for diplomacy. As we chatted, I realized even further that this is one of the great lessons God wanted me to learn: my delivery over the years has not always been very charitable.
This is hard for me. Growing up in the Bronx and feeling like my whole life I have been under attack from one angle or another has made me develop this hard exterior and feel the need to lash out aggressively as my standard. But not everyone deserves that and certainly not everyone responds well to it. What good is taking a strong stand if no one will listen?
The New Yorker in me says, “don’t get soft” and that voice is practically screaming inside; but the new voice counters with “the real warrior isn’t just fierce, she is wise.”
So, here is to learning to be wise.
For my fans, thank you for always sticking with me no matter how many people wanted me to fall. For those who hate me, I want you to know that I no longer hate you in return. I will stand up to you, I will passionately defend what I believe, and I will be a voice for America and will unashamedly put the Lord first, but you will begin to see a new side of me that never existed before. The side that will listen to you and try to see your side, but do not make the mistake of equating a new life and new heart with one of weakness: the fire inside is still burning bright.
I look forward to sharing more with you and tackling the issues of the day!